It goes without saying that having kids means your home can’t be spotless all the time. But one dad on Reddit appears to have unrealistic expectations for not only life with children, but how to divide household labor with his wife, a stay-at-home mom.
The father of three recently posted on Reddit’s popular Am I The A–hole? forum to ask for feedback on lecturing his wife for the “embarrassing” mess in their home when he brought home guests from work.
“We have 3 kids so the house is a little too messy oftentimes,” he wrote. “My wife does her best to keep up with the cleaning and keeping the house tidy and I feel for her, I really do, so I told her she doesn’t have to clean up all the time since the kids are running up and down all day and making huge messes, I did tell her that she only has to make sure the house is clean when we have guests over and she agreed with me.”
Recently, the husband invited some friends from work over to their home, explaining that he informed his wife about his plans via text, however she wound up missing the message because she wasn’t feeling well. “When I opened the door all I could see was an utter mess, food and toys and clutter everywhere,” he wrote. “I was shocked, I was embarrassed, and just mortified that my friends saw my home looking like this.”
The husband also claimed his friends “kept giving me weird looks and making indirect comments about the state of home” so after they left, he became “livid” and went to confront his sleeping wife. “I woke her up to ask why she didn’t tidy up the house knowing I was going to bring friends over,” he wrote. “I told her that it was so, so embarrassing that the house looked like this when my friends came over and that this was avoidable had she cleaned up and prepared the house for the guests.”
The wife reminded her husband that “the kids are the ones causing this mess” and that he should have followed up with her. “That was ridiculous because she was basically blaming me for her own actions (or lack of) which I didn’t appreciate so much,” he wrote, later adding that their children are under the age of 10 and their eldest is “basically glued to her tablet and does nothing to help out.”
Reddit commenters swooped in. “SAHM stands for stay at home mom, not stay at home maid,” someone pointed out. “Her priority is the children. Not to be on call to make the house look unrealistically tidy in an hour’s time.”
Another added, “Yeah even if she saw the text, who’s to say that was enough time to do all the cleaning needed? Or that she didn’t have another obstacle like being out of the house for the afternoon or being sick, like she was.”
If maintaining a clean house was important to the dad, said someone, he should, um, help clean? “He feels no responsibility to help clean at all!” the person wrote. “He wants a cookie for telling her the house doesn’t need to be spotless all the time, instead of, idk, helping his wife.”
What’s more, dividing housework equally set a strong example for kids. “He also seems to feel no responsibility in parenting with his wife to teach his children daily life skills,” a commenter wrote. “Kids can help clean from like 2 years old, even if it’s only putting toys away or throwing away a diaper. They should all, including dad, be keeping the house clean. YTA as a husband and father.”
We couldn’t agree more!
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